You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
