Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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