You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
