So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
