bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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