You smell like stripper and shame
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
