Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am mentally ready for anal.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
