I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
