Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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