So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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