Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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