i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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