i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
