He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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