Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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