Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
