I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
