We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
