you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
