i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
