I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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