96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
