Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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