you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
