we have pet lesbian snakes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
