Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize