That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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