I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
