Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
