I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
