just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
