Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
