Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
