Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
