You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
