ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
