I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he puts the penis in happiness.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
