yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize