During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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