this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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