Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize