ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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