In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
