It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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