After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
