So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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