even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
