Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
