I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize