apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
