i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
