i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
