Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
