I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
