what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
