I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
