I hope mine doesn't look like that
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
