Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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