whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
