We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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