Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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