I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
