she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you will always have a special place in my vag
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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