sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
