yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
pray to the hookup gods
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
