so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
