I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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