i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We're too hungover to prance.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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