I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
