sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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