whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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