Buhtt sex?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
