There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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