omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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