It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
