i just google imaged poop.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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