Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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