I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
