im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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