idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
