No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize
