The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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