I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
