walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
