I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
