I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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