im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
