Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
