It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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