shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
