im drinking this country out of the recession.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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