p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
