Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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