Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
