I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
