Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
