First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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