I accidentally burped into my bong.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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