OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
