She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
